Before the Cross

I woke up early that morning with this odd feeling in my heart.  It was as if something wasn’t right with the day.  Perhaps I had just woken up too early.

So instead of going to class, I got up and took a step back before stepping forward into the day.  I had my breakfast, got my stuff ready and left the door.

Got to class, learned, sat down, talked with friends, etc.  It was actually a good day but that feeling of unrest never left.  So in preparing for the Arts Night that night, I decided to take a walk to get some photos printed.  Just me, my Ipod and God.

Got the photos, came back, setup for Arts Night and had a great time.  I took some of the best photos I had taken in a while and yet, there was no peace in my heart.

Drove back home for a church service.  On the way, I get phone calls and messages in congrats over a recent event.  I was happy no doubt but still, it was as if this was just settling.

I got to the church parking lot, got out of my car and thought about the day.  It was a really good day… I had a lot to be thankful for but it almost felt like I was just settling.

The second I stepped into the gym, there before me was the cross covered in pieces of red cloth.  Surrounding it was a congregation in reflection and worship.  They looked like friends gathered around a camp fire.

The second I stepped in, something came over me and I knew there was something special going on there.  It wasn’t the music, it wasn’t the sermon, it wasn’t even the cross on the floor.  “Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I will be.”  That is what I heard and that was what I saw. 

God was amongst us.  Christ was amongst us.  And He had a very simple message.

“I love you.  I lived for you.  I died for you.  The nails in my hands, the nails in my feet, the thorn in my brow and the scars over my broken body… I did this so that you may live.  I did this so that you may know just how much I love you.  Let me give you everything I have and everything I am.”

As I sat there, tears ran down my face as I became witness to a God who was soo madly in love with the world, that he bore ridicule and pain I can’t even imagine; just so that I can walk side by side with Him.  Just so that I can have a relationship with Him.  To know how high, how wide and how deep the love of Christ is.

I have a lot to be thankful for.  But as I sat down before the cross, all the good I may have done, all that I had in my life…. It doesn’t compare to just how big God is.  It doesn’t compare to the peace, joy and abundance that is in knowing the love of Christ.

That being said, I sat reflective of my life.  Was I for God or did I put him in a box, only to be taken out when it was most convenient.  I sat there wondering if God looks at my life and says “Good job, good and faithful servant.”  Did I live my life God-centered or self-centered.

“There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."  - C.S. Lewis

Currently Listening Stop All the World Now By Howie Day see related

- She Says

Wow...it's been like 2 months since I've updated.

I was sitting on my bed this morning thinking "A lot can happen in two months".  I'm not gonna blog about EVERYTHING cuz that'd just be a novels worth of stuff. And unless you're at work bored out your mind, it'd just be too much to read.  Even I admit, that I'm starting to have little patience to read monologue after monologue of people's anecdotes when they're insanely long.  Thankfully, not everyone blogs like that. 

Chances are, when I go back to school and return to procrastination mode, I'll be reading and writing blogs like crazy.  Oh yeah, after 2 years of waiting, I"m going back to school.  UofT Pharmacy.  Is it something WANT to do? Not sure...is it something I'd like to do? Sure.  It's an option and a very good option at that so I'm good with it.  (well, not to happy with 4 more years of school, but what can you do?)

Strip a person of their environment and luxuries, and it'll be there where they find who they are.  I think these past two years, despite it's highs and lows, has been a growing experience.  There's something great about discovering who you are and just KNOWING who you really are.  Your potentials, limits, skills, downfalls...and simply being at peace with that.  After realizing who you are, it leaves room to build on that foundation... and I think that's cool.  It's the next major step in growing productively as a person in every aspect of your life.  How did I get into rambling about this?! Anyways...

One more month of summer left and all the time in the world to really get some projects going.  It's awesome to have those personal projects that you want to get accomplished and actually conduct... you look back at what you've done and know "it's all you".  Not motivated by the pressures of work, academia or any outside factors, you can really be proud of those things when it's all said and done.

Current song of choice: Howie Day - She Says....wow.... what an awesome song, despite it being a bit sad.  It just sounds great! This album is just great!

Oh, another highly recommende dis Howie Day's "Collide".  I'm sure many of you guys have heard it but get the acoustic version..SOO GOOD!

Currently Playing Another Night By The Real McCoy see related

- Come and Get Your Love

1 hour driving, one line-up at a McDonald's drive thru, an hour of waiting in a crowded arena and 2 hours of boring speeches = 1 blurry Kodak moment at Convocation.

No, not my convocation.. long passed are those days.  Instead, it was the other Lee in the family that convocated (finally!).  And after it was all said and done, I was re-awakened (or rather, put to sleep) by how boring convocation can be.

My time was spent playing with my telephoto lens taking random pictures here and there and playing Text Twist with my bro's girl.  (BTW, thanks Ami for Text Twist...saved my life that day! =).  Unfortunately, the girl destroyed all my scores on my PDA...so on a list of Shaun, Shaun, Shaun and Shaun...at the top of that highscore list is this "Lily" that comes out of nowhere!  Sadly enough, my english ain't too great so instead of trying to beat the score, I think I'll just wipe out the memory and start that game all over again =).

Anyways... it was a fun day pretty much!  The crowning achievement of that day was a photo I took of my bro and his girl.  Not that I"m good or anything, but I abuse any occassion to pull out a camera!  So what does this photo look like?  I won't post incase my brother will want to hunt me down later, but rather describe in simple words.

Well... You know how when a girl gets really mad, she looks at the guy with this snooty, "What are you doing? Why aren't you listening to me"? type of look and all the guy can do is look back with this genuine, innocent "I'm sorry" type of look..well..I got that on (digital) film now..hehe!

So, the McMaster interview for Occupational therapy is done and over with (weeks ago).  I went in super sick, and as the interviews progressed, I got a bit better.

What was the good thing about the interview?  The question I bombed last year I excelled in this year.  So that was at least a good thing.  Everything else could have gone bad and good.  The result?

I am currently #13 of 31 on the waiting list.  Personally, I hate being on the waiting list (as I was on the waiting list last year for Western and ended up waiting into Sept..hehe =).  Regardless, there's a good chance I may return to Mac.  Wouldn't that be weird?  Just when most everyone has left, I'll be returning..it won't be the same.  That's for sure!

But all is not lost!  For once, I didn't get a rejection letter.  Instead, I actually got into Queen's OT program.  (oddly enough, I forgot I even applied there..hehe).  So it's now a sure thing I"ll be returning to school in Sept.  I hope I havne't forgotten how to study (or fall asleep in the library =).

On a completely different note, my obsession with photography has gotten the best of me lately.  After visiting a photography show, I couldn't help but want to buy all the things I "needed" to take a good picture.  Even got annoyed when I was outbidded (in the last 10 seconds) on Ebay from getting a great lens.  Anyways... gotta watch my spendings if I'm gonna go back to school =).

Currently Playing Lifehouse By Lifehouse see related

- We'll Never Know Till We Try

So for a while, I thought i was invincible to sickness.  With the exception of the odd stomach ache, I was doing alrights?  Until lately!

Today I pretty much slept the entire day and have been in a daze for the past week.  Honestly everything feels like a dream running in slow motion.

It all began on Wednesday with a little sore throat.  I thought maybe it was the stress.  Than it got worse and worse as the days went by.  Preparing for fundraiser, an interview from McMaster's OT program, work and other issues just got to me.

So here I am again.  For the 3-4th day straight, I"ve been sleeping at early evenings and waking up around 11pm to basically stay up and do whatever as my mind wanders and ponders.  It's amazing the odd revelations that can come to mind late in the night or simple realizations.  I hope I"m just not being dillusional but things have been just like a dream.